It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
