I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
