Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
