Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
3pm strippers are depressing
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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