he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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