My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
