do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
