Screwed.edu
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
