My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
smell my finger.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
