There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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