Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Vodka?
Forever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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