cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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