Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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