why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
