Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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