At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
