I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
