office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
