So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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