it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize