I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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