If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
