"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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