There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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