Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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