Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize