Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
false alarm, still single
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