my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
