not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
