I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
