I think i peed on brittanys purse
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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