THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize