why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
