The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
