remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
