True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize