no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize