So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
