This is not my ceiling
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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