If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She announced her abortion via fbk
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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