dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
