you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
