Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
