let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
