Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
