i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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