Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize