and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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