I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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