If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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