I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
