It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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