You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
