I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
