brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This beer is not sobering me up at all
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
