Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
