I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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