There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
