I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
