I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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