At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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