Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
