Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize