everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
