I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
