All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
