They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need to sanitize my soul.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
