can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
