And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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