We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
