Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
