I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
