Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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